Friday, 18 August 2017

Let's talk things up.

I haven't been blogging for quite some time now, things has been messed up a littleI tried to normalize everything and write it in a casual way, but it turns out to be me getting more of my sentiments that have been holding in for a while.  

As if you have not known, I've decided to quit my job and purely focus on "finding myself". That was kind of an understatement of how am I no longer need to be busy for anyone, but completely myself. 

Life has been a roller coaster these years. Graduated from high school, refuse to go Aus after got accepted, gave up degree paper half way and spent close to three years in the Quality firm. I used to be at the phases where most of the people despised me when I was at my lowest, but later I made through the hardest, hard work paid off. Sadly, I'm quitting now again when I was considered at the peak of my work. By peak I meant, the youngest girl among the team but had the most subordinate (23 of them) that willing to work under me, truly lucky to have them trusting my ability. They always told me that I was very successful at my age, but thinking at it, I actually not wanting it to be successful like that.

I am not no contentment. It was just about a year of struggling between heart and mind, and also the god damn tears. I knew that I've been chasing perfection, because I cared too much and I am basing my self-worth on people's opinions. It was up to a point where I'm getting sick of chasing the ideal and slowly not seeing myself. So rather than spending too much time inside my head to impress people, I really want to put myself to fathom out more my missing piece.

I know it might sound reckless for some reason. Somewhat yesbecause I do have commitments and I am critically going to be without income for a while. Not going to lie, I haven't sort of figure out the way to deal with it. I am sure quitting to search for my true self is fine, but whether or not the worthiness is still a question. I told myself I would figure out everything in a month and I decisively thought one month time would be more than enough. It's been way longer than that now, thing doesn't seem to move.

Nevertheless, I think that's not very much a bad thing when we often won’t move until circumstances force us to, right?


I am aging. 
I just turned 23 years old last month.
I am not old but I am f aging.

I began to concern a little of my age, I left 7 years to 30 years old. I am growing fast, and so my insecurities. Sometimes the fear of failure can really mess with my mind, telling people that I'm losing direction of life at 23 years old is also a shame. What am I supposed to do with my life now? How do people get themselves figured out what they want when they're at my age? I am so overwhelmed, here I am spending 3 hours scratching my head just to create myself a form of release, which was supposed to keep it personal. 

Sometimes it just gets too much. All these while thinking too much makes me suffocate. Truth is, I am getting by. I am learning how not to assume things stuck with the way things are. Life changes, and so can I. Maybe, maybe it’s the life lessons that setup to get me to where I needed to be. Well, It's almost always possible to start over and make big changes in your life. 

Assuming y'all who came and read my blog are all kind people who wanted to know how have I been, I am fine guys, so fine. It's just a learning process of the most demanding subject called life. In a nutshell, if you're like me struggling your entire life just to find happiness, don't worry, you will never be alone because you'll always see me during your journey! :)

By the way...

Not sure if you already know, but lately I've created an Instagram account called to sell my home baked cakes/pastry/cookies/all sorts of bakings online! :)

I love baking and I've always wanted to make it my full time job. In fact, it is actually considered my "full time job" now since I am unemployed. :P But as if you can see, I still need more of your support and encouragement to make my dream come true! 💕 It's nice to be able to make my hobby and "occupation" works in an instant. Well, I am trying hard now, it's indeed not an easy path, but it doesn't mean I should stop myself from trying right? 

Before I'm heading off to bed... Thank you for coming over and I hope, you enjoy your stay reading my blog. :)

Good nights.